Today Time Stopped

Today time stopped a moment
and death came close.

Not with a soldier’s fear when
the bullet sears close by,
nor with the heartstop slip
of the climbers foot on the mountainside,
nor from a highway accident
or the slow march of disease

but with deliberation, thought
what this solution might provide.
Let the breath stop, then the heart
and at last the pictures and thoughts
seep from the tormented brain, turmoil cease
and sweet blank nothingness, remain.

Without despair, without emotion,
weigh options at a desolate time.
Pride and confidence destroyed,
shame cloaks the passing of this endless day,
the future fierce and threatening brings
beyond consciousness the abyss of despair.

Consider the ways to die.
Easy ways disguising the intent:
drugs, the motorway, a swift electric pain.
Without your love the pain would be the less,
no damage done, no one to care or know,
one dreadful moment … then eternal peace.

Your love holds back the final step,
your needs much stronger than despair.
Interminably written on this dusty floor
the circle must be broken in the mind,
tears choked back, eyes forced up again
before reality returns and time restarts.

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